I’m slowly but surely going insane.


Blood vessels burst like watermelons
dopamine crosses synaptic streams
in textbooks neurotransmitter molecules are illustrated with spheres
because spheres are relatively innocuous.

If molecules were rhombuses, there would be an adverse unconscious
reaction, especially if the reader had a fear of sharp objects. He would therefore not be able
to do well on the neurobiology exam because he would dream of rhombuses poised
like arrowheads and speartips.
He might begin to count rhombus points in the textbook in the daytime, even though
he’s known since third grade a rhombus has one    two    three    four points. But it might entertain him to count, to tally
one  two  three     four

repetitiveness alleviates anxiety because
it makes him forget that a rhombus shape in a real life context is a throwing star, a razorblade, a butcher knife but on paper
the shape is just a figure. Counting also stops the reader from existential thoughts
about his ultimately futile existence and death

he tells me he doesn’t want to live that long and that life is hard
but his dopamine transmitters are all messed up like a picket fence with a plank ripped off

I smell the psychobabble like the tobacco leaves like the whiskey in the unwashed mug
when he exhales     and when we sleep I count brain waves.